Reality

I have found a new blog that moves me to tears and even sobbing (Emily, I am going to send it to you, and Rachel!) The woman that writes is a stranger to me in every way, except that she is sharing a story of her life with such openness and grace, and raw honest emotion that I want to cry for her and hold her and tell her it is going to be okay. She is a mom like me, that likes shoes, like me and has 2 beautiful babies, like me. She writes this blog like me, but she does it so much better. She uses the right words. Rachel, her words are like your paintings - the pictures are so deep and open and they touch something inside. Emily, it is like your photography - capturing the soul.

I have been wrapped up in her words, skipping lunch while the babies nap and the fire flickers in the fireplace and the snow blows by my window....it is like a romance novel that I can't put down. What a lucky stay at home mom I am to have this outlet to help me cleave to my sanity and know that I am not alone trying to raise my babies with out too much tv, and high fructose corn syrup, and trying to still let them be kids and let me still be a woman. I remember a moment vividly from the days after Greta was born and we were home and my hormones were freaking out. I was in the shower and I was crying and probably talking out loud to myself. I asked, "Who am I?" Who am I now that I am not pregnant and there is a baby in my life and I don't even feel like a mom. Who am I now that I gave up my career and my body and carefree lifestyle? Where do I fit into this new life? I didn't have a clue. It took days and possibly a blur of weeks for me to finally figure it out. I am still me, but better. I am even better now. I am stronger and have new experience to draw from to relate to others and reflect on for myself. I will never be bored again and I will never be lonely.

And now the reality is that I just tried to be profound and seem smart and there is a big booger on my monitor from Jack. And, that is my life, much like many other moms and moms who blog and it is something to write about.