My bunny

Dinosaurs

There are dinosaurs at Union Station. We went to see the big one outside and are still planning on attending the exhibit. And across the street at Crown Center you can visit a giant dog named Clifford if you prefer furry over scales. I think both slobber.

The Will of Jack

He is this amazing little baby boy that makes me laugh most of the time and shake my head at his newest trick. We were trying to get our sleep schedule down. We were trying the CIO method that I swore I would not consider. And then we had tried everything except CIO and we gave it an honest try. Instead of getting better and crying less...Jack cried more and more each night and would cry and scream my name through nap time. He would cry and scream my name at night for an hour and then stand in his crib for 2 to 3 hours just staring at the door. He would shake his finger at the monitor and say, "no". I went against what every advice said, and I went in his room and ended the madness. And then we had a breakthrough!

When it is time for a nap or bed at night, I take Jack to his room and I nurse him and sing to him and rock him until he is groggy and then I lay him in his bed and I lay on the floor and he instantly goes to sleep with a smile on his lips. We have agreed to compromise. I get to sit on the floor and watch his breathing and sweet little face at peace. I stay for only a little while unless he peeks his head up to see if I am there, and then I lay down and pretend to sleep. He really likes it.

We are both so much happier. He is still sleeping through the night, so I can say that we have successfully night weaned! He wakes at the crack of dawn ready to party, but it doesn't seem so bad because I am getting more sleep now than I have in almost 2 years!

I knew this day would come and it feels seriously good!

Hot Dog

Last Saturday was family day at the Veteran's Home and Papa was so excited to have us there. It was father's day weekend, so that made it even more important. There was a big tent set up in front to give shade, and tables and chairs so we could visit. You could smell the burgers and dogs on the grill, and the music was playing...Very festive. They had a giant wagon pulled by Missouri Mules, carnival games for the kids, face painting, and a bounce house that Greta was dreaming about the night before.

First of all, Greta had to jump. Derek took the kids over for some bouncing and I sat with the family and a few strangers that joined us for a loaf of banana nut bread I picked up at Whole Foods for Papa. There was a strong breeze blowing through that kept us cool, but frankly it was a really hot day.

I kept glancing over to the kids in the bounce house, and noticed a big kid in there with them. It was Derek! What a great dad, giving them big bounces, but being careful not to give them bloody noses! They were having too much fun. They worked up a good appetite, so we loaded up plates with hot dogs, and burgers and fruit salad, cookies and lemonade. Greta got her face painted, and we took a ride with the mules, and got balloon weiner dogs from Buttercup the clown. And then we decided we had enough of the sun beating down on us. We went inside for relief.

The day was nice, but there is a twist to the story that I have tell you about. Papa has been using his motorized wheel chair much more and it is especially helpful on a day like this where we want to get around a larger area quicker...or add some excitement. But, Papa hasn't been using this wheelchair long enough, yet, to be good at it. He is like a cartoon character gone berzerk...watch your toes is all I can say. And I mean it. A memory I will always have in my mind is my Dad flying backwards into the potted ferns, skimming Derek's toes and missing a few children. My mother was screaming, "Chuck, Whoah! WHOAH! WHOAH!" And, all the while, Papa laughed almost hysterically. Then, again, when we were meeting inside to sit in the lounge chairs and talk while a thunderstorm blew in. Mom screamed at Dad, "WHOAH, CHUCK!" Dad laughed and there was a definite internal soundtrack of cartoon music playing in my head as I lifted Jack out of harm's way and Derek whisked Greta to the side. I know it is dangerous, especially with innocent people standing by, but I feel the need to maintain a sense of humor where my Dad is concerned. He does, and that is what I love about him. As long as he is going forward he is great...and I like to think of him moving in that direction philosophically, too.

The thunderstorm blew in and ended the party early. The tents had to be taken down because of high winds and the bounce house deflated. The rain came and cooled us off and made Papa want to take a nap...and dream of NASCAR....

Tadpoles

The rain has been abundant. The puddles are deep and muddy. The kids are happy. I love summer thunderstorms almost as much as summer sunshine. The pool can wait!

Sweet Dreams

We did it. He sleeps through the night now. Well, he did once, but I know we are through the rough part of this. Jack is such a good boy. He is so loving and affectionate. It is so hard for me to put him in his bed and walk away....I miss our special time together. I am still holding on to it for a bit...I still sing him lullabies and rock him until he gets heavy eyelids. And then I snap him back to reality with a wicked blow by putting him in his crib awake! Just kidding. It is terrible, but not quite evil.

Derek is back in Austin for a few more days. I am preparing for a busy Father's Day weekend with my sisters coming to visit. There is a big to-do at the Veteran's home that Greta and Jack are super excited for. They are going to make Papa smile big.

We found another favorite ice cream parlor, and we are going to pack a cooler full of dry ice and take some pints to Papa. Glace is an artisan ice cream shop with flavors made by Christopher Elbow...my favorite chocolate artisan. I was thrilled to hear it had opened and Derek took us last Saturday. We had a lazy day but finished it off right by heading down to the plaza. We had neopolitan pizza - goat cheese and arugula, and then we shared ice cream. I had lemon curd with fresh blueberries, creme fraiche, and vanilla bean. It was like a piece of key lime pie with whipped cream on top. Derek had spiced Venezuelan Chocolate and something else that I didn't try...I was satisfied with my flavors. We will be pressing our faces against their coolers often this summer, I am sure of it!

Hold me

Jack is 20 months old. He has never slept more than 4 hours in a row...and he has only done that 2 times in his lovely little life. On average, Jack is awake every 2 1/2 hours at night and he calls for me to come and hold him, rock him, and nurse him back to sleep. Some nights it is a breeze and takes me 8 minutes. Some nights it takes me 3 hours....

So we moved Greta's baby crib into our room and sidecar'd it to our bed. On the nights where he won't let me put him back down I bring him into this crib. And, from there he climbs me until dawn, trying to nurse on every boob-like thing he can find...my nose, my elbows, my ear lobes, my actual boob and my not so flat stomach.

Hello wall. I am hitting you.

I have not slept more than 4 hours straight in 20 months and I am now out of options. I swore I would never cry it out with my babies. I swore there would be another solution. I swore they would sleep with ease when they were ready, not when I was ready.

But, today for his nap, I laid Jack down in his cozy little crib after nursing him for about 30 minutes. He was still awake and I walked out of the room. He cried for 3 minutes and I couldn't take it anymore and went back in. He was sweaty and covered in snot and tears and slobber. He had red spots all over his face from crying.

I held him and rocked him and thought we would try it again another day. Then another 30 minutes passed and he wasn't going to sleep but was looking all around with that one eye (the other one was looking at my boob). I told him that he was a big boy and could do it just like his sister...and I laid him down and walked out.

This time I brushed my teeth and listened to him cry. 7 minutes. I went back in and held him and rocked him and shhhhhh'd him. I told him he should just go to sleep and we would do it together. No deal. He was onto me and wasn't even blinking his eyes shut. After another 30 minutes of rocking, I laid him down and walked out. I took a shower and could still hear him crying.
By the time I shut the water off, he was kind of hollering, but it didn't sound like there were tears. He was kicking his crib, so I could tell he was laying down.

I dressed and brushed my hair and put on some make up and then there was silence. He fell asleep. He cried himself to sleep and I feel like the worst mother on the planet Earth. I hope with everything that this wasn't all for nothing. I hope he learned he can drift off with out me. I hope he doesn't hold a grudge. I hope we both get some sleep now.

Hold me.

Farm Fresh

Saturday morning was such a pretty morning. Derek and I were up at 6 with the kids, as usual, so we decided to throw some shoes on and head down to the farmer's market in old Overland Park. It was a great way to spend a summer morning. The fruits and veggies were so lovely! We will make this a tradition.

One thing I wish I could change about my life right now, is that I wish I had the time and skills to grow a garden. I just don't have it in me to keep both babies and plants alive, but maybe next summer. Until then, I will support my local farmers and enjoy their treats. Derek and I have talked about buying a cow so we can feed our family good meat and avoid the hormones and antibiotics. I love to feed my family good things. This has been a goal of mine...no HFCS or dyes in the kids food. We buy organic or local...and we aren't even hippies!

Single-mommin-it

My new word, my life for the last two and a half days. Derek has gone to Austin again to meet with Dell and present their new work. I am single-momminit. He took the camera with him, so I have no proof, but we are having a pretty good time despite missing him and his keen wit.
One might wonder why my time with the kids now is different than when he is here at work and the answer is that I HAVE NO BREAKS TO PEE. Derek helps me with so much. When he gets home from work, I tag him and he takes over and gives me a few moments to not smile and make dinner (which I really love to do.) He gives the kids a bath after dinner and then he reads Greta stories and makes up stories with her dolls and tucks her in while I nurse and rock Jack. I cover the night time wakings and he gets up with the kids at 6 to let me get a few more winks. But I have risen to the occasion and am running on caffeine from a 2 liter of Coke and adrenaline from being sprayed with cold hose water in the backyard.

We have played and played and played and I think I still have some play left in me. When they wake from their naps we are headed out to the Disney Store where I will make good on my bribe... Be good, kids, and mommy will reward you with a TOY. Is that bad parenting? I call it Strategery.

I don't how it happened, but I even managed to get some cleaning done between the meal making and sandbox time. The laundry is done and the floors are swept. The standard has been set - this is how it will be when I leave and come back, right, Derek? One can only wish....

It really does feel good, though, to rise to the occasion. Now I want my Mom of the Year mug...with vodka in it!