In the Spirit of Christmas

There is a spirit and abiding love surrounding the days of Christmas. This year our family was, more than ever before, wrapped in its warmth.  My heart felt everything with so much more.  The laughter of my babies and the smiles of everyone around me that I love most, and tears, too.  We were together, even more.

Sarah and Mark surprised us by coming to stay Christmas Eve.  I got the call and ran out for wine and great food to share.  When they came, it felt so right.  We had the most cozy dinner at Jack Stack BBQ, so perfect on Christmas Eve with its dark stained woods, flickering fire places and twinkle lights.

Greta and Jack got to open a gift and were totally bummed that it was Christmas Pajamas for each and a big book.  But, the books they received have brought so much joy! They each got Where the Sidewalk Ends, and A Light in the Attic. I knew they would like them.

Up to bed.  Not a bit sad!

Perfectly excited little ones!

It took a little while to get up to bed.  Too excited.

Tucked in tight, and fighting heavy eyelids.

Goodnight and please hurry, Santa Claus!

Santa came, and loves us extra hard this year.

Angry Mary

This year Greta and Jack were both in Christmas programs through Bethany Lutheran School. They were both so excited.  Greta was even cast as Mary.  Here types one proud mama.  And she was thrilled a bout that, too, as I told her Mary is very special and important in the story of Jesus.  And, then they rehearsed.  And she decided that the Angels had a better part in the story.

Getting curly before Christmas program go time.

Greta as Mary....The blessed Virgin.  She plopped that baby into the hay and folded her arms in protest. One. Angry. Mary.  She's sending a glare to the angels over yonder.  Hark.


But, little man, Jack was just happy to be, as always.  He found us in the audience and sang his little heart out.  And he waved often.  It was the total perfect preschool performance.

Being Needed

A quote from Greta two nights ago at bedtime as I sat on her bed and tucked her in, was as follows....

"The girls at school play together.  But, Mama, the boys need me to chase them.  They NEED me to be the pink ninja...Princess Leia." They need me."

I believe they do.  Good night, pink ninja.

A Friend Indeed

For Christmas, my thoughtful husband, Derek, gifted me a set of therapy grade essential oils and a diffuser.  I have been living in a home spa.  I have been taking quiet time and reflecting.  Derek has taken extra steps to play with the kids and let me breathe.  I am so grateful to him for his help and support.  He has saved me.

My favorite thing to do is draw a hot bath, close the door, turn off the lights and soak with my diffuser near.  It gives off soothing light and the oils are so relaxing.  My favorite bath, however, was quietly interrupted by the door opening, and a glass of champagne sliding in.  The door closed.  Moments later, the door quietly opened once again, and an ice bucket with the bottle appeared.

I love that man.

I am just not sure

A new year.  This ones gonna count big time.  I have a new angel looking my way.  But, miss seeing his brown eyes here.  I hope I can keep him alive through my living. That is how it works, right?

Big fat tears always fill up my eyes.  The kids are back in school and all the moms ask me how Christmas was for our family.  I am just not sure.  I tell them that our whole family got to be together and it was good.  I try not to cry.  I don't really want to ruin their day by telling them that my dad died.  You know?  We were all together and it was a giant relief to know that Papa wasn't sitting in the Veteran's home waiting for us to be there with him.  He was at my house this year. Mannheim Steamroller was played often on Pandora, and I felt him near.  I would say it was one of his favorites.  Now it is mine.

I do wonder if I have seen "signs" that Papa is telling me he is okay.  I have seen 2 rainbows in the sky.  I hadn't ever seen a rainbow in December before ...when it hadn't even rained.  I think of him and hope.

He knows how much I love rainbows.


Papa's funeral was beautiful.  There was an outpouring of love there.  He was loved.  The church was full.  It was beautiful with white twinkling lights up for Christmas.  Stories of Papa washed over me one  by one and I think they would have made him laugh.  He laughed a lot, and he loved a lot.  He was kind.  He was honored.  The Guard presented my mom with a flag and did a 21 gun salute right outside of the church.  The silver helmets reflected the twinkle lights like fire on the heads of the soldiers.  The church was silent as they folded the flag.  There was not a dry eye as my Uncle Don played Taps.  And Nanna wanted to hear Just a Closer Walk With Thee.  David Maggi and David Cummings played it as we left the church and it was unlike anything I imagined at a funeral.  It was a New Orleans inspired duet of Trumpet and Piano and it seemed to lift every soul to the sky.  I felt closer to my dad at that moment than I had in a long time, I am sure.