Christmas Morning Before Sunrise

As children, my sister, Sarah, and I found it torturous to sleep on Christmas Eve. We notoriously would wake at 3 am and were sternly told to stay in bed until at least 5 when my parents usually got up.  I remember one year, Santa came while we were at a Christmas Eve service the night before and I suspect it was because my parents wanted to sleep that night and not be exhausted at Christmas dinner with our grandparents.

This Christmas was so very painful for me. We lost our Papa last year, and now realize that I was very numb.  This year it stung my heart.  I think of him every single day and tears still come. I took time by the twinkling tree and reflected and hoped that I would feel him close.  And, this is what happened.....

Presents were wrapped and Derek and I guaranteed ourselves that we would be in bed reasonably before 11.  We tried to get everything finished early so we could even sit and enjoy a glass of wine on Christmas Eve an soak in the moment of that night and what was to come.  But, then the piles of presents got mixed up before we got them under the tree, and the blurr that is my brain function made us have to unwrap a little corner to figure out what was what and what was for whom and from whom...comedy at its finest.

Then, to bed. 11:30. Not too bad.

There were sweet little voices trying to whisper. I heard them in my dream. They could see a giraffe. It woke me fast. They were up and going for the goods. I saw the clock. 1:30 am. Nooooo!  I had to stop them! I flew up and stopped them and herded them back to bed (they sleep together in Jack's bed now).  We told the to sleep a little longer. I cuddled back up in the warm bed and laughed...just like me. Now I know how Papa felt. Papa was smiling.

But, the kids weren't buying it. They were up and ready. And, I looked at Derek's face on the pillow next to mine and said, "We can either go for it and do an all nighter or we can divide and conquer. We split them - Greta and I  and Derek and Jack.  We got them to sleep until 5:30...that is when I woke Greta by willing her up. I couldn't wait any longer....

I tiptoed down the stairs while everyone was still, and I got a fire started, and soft music on, and some pictures of what the kids would see when they finally got their Christmas morning...And I got to think of Papa and have him with us, still.

Little Jack Leads the Masses

He never told me he would be first. He just told me he had been practicing very hard to walk on the risers. He told me he was nervous.  He was first in line and he was so proud. (but not as proud as me.)

And they sang their hearts out. And they waved at their mommies and daddies. Christmas Programs are incredible and set my heart right.  Jack said some kids yell and don't sing the songs. He said that he can't hear his own voice. He said, "Welp, it is what it is, Mamma."  I know his voice and I love his little arms waving choreography.

He is a line leading, riser climbing, standing still pro. And, what it is, is mighty awesome.

Never Too Old to Learn

So sorry to have missed writing our things down. I know I will regret not having this all to look at one day, so I am not opposed to picking right back up as if I never lost....3 months.  We have had some exciting times, and some really fun memories. But you know, these last few months that I have been unable to sit and type about have been a lot about me. I have learned so much about life and myself and I feel really good. I feel like I am finding my way, and I am on a good path. It hasn't been easy, and I did a lot of firsts and reached out of my comfort zone...and I had a lot of tears, but also a load of support.

This new year brings us to a place that just feels right. We are still homeschooling. I have never been more happy. I love these kids more than I can express and I love their minds and their potential and their zest. Now, not everyone thinks it is a good idea. There are fears that Greta and Jack will be lonely or antisocial...de-socialized...  That they won't know what Ketchup is or how to find a train station or bus stop.  I have heard that the kids might not know how to function in the real world, in a job, surrounded by people....my kids might not know how to cope with mean people....but I know better. Greta and Jack are learning more than ever.  We can go so fast and have already covered things that I don't remember learning.  We are having so much fun. We are setting our goals high. And, God forbid, they come across a mean person, it won't even matter because their sights are set so much higher.

The past few months I found myself spinning several plates. I was asked to volunteer to help with vocal music at Bethany Lutheran. I helped direct their Fall Music Program, Grandparent's Day and their Christmas Program.  I began building a home based business sharing doTerra Essential Oils and it has boomed into more than I ever expected.  I have worked some extra challenging food styling jobs with Hill Science Diet, Tai Pei Chinese Cuisine, and AMC Theaters. And, I loaded our homeschooling calendar with Ballet performances, plays, and projects.  There were days that I almost lost my mind. But, I like a challenge!

This year is going to be a bit more relaxed. I crave more freedom and more flexibility. I want it for us. I want to slow down and take in every detail. I want to be sure I sit down and type it out so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle of this very busy world.